Longing...

I have always been full of love.. I always think of other people before myself and I enjoyed that. I love the feeling of being able to share, I love the feeling of being able to be a blessing to others. If only I have the means, I will extend it to those who needs it the most. I know I have a very big heart and I want to share it in so many ways. 

But somehow, now I feel like I want to be wanted. To be loved more than I can love. To be needed... Relationship wise, before I prefer to love more than what my partner can give me. Probably because, I grew up in a family where you dont have to be told, you just automatically share what you have and what you can give. Now, I think my views has changed. I want someone to love me more than I love him. I want someone to treat me the way I should be treated because I am Not just any woman. I am "Me". I am a one of a kind. I am SPECIAL and I deserve that kind of Love that a King gives his Queen. 

Just saying...

A Thousand Years...

Sad but True....

Everyday is a struggle, but every struggle means there is something to look forward to in the end. My days hasn't been perfect since that day, but I know this is the way things should be. When reality bites, you just have to stick to your choice. And my choice is NOT to have you... 


I LOVE YOU, but LOVE as they say isn't always enough to make it thru the day so I choose to go thru it ALONE. Sad but true...


Feelings has to be set aside, LIFE has to go on... Sad but true... 


If this is the only way, then I will take this hard way... You will always come and go and that's ok coz I love you. Until the time that I will no longer care, until the time that I will forget all these... Until the time that I will live the LIFE that the LORD has planned for me without you...


If being apart will make us better, so be it. If being apart will make us realize  the things that matter, so be it...  


Sad but true.... Sad but true....

The Vow...

This isn't about the movie Rachel Mc Adams and Channing Tatum starred at, this is about my own real life movie, this is about the vow that I made almost 7 years ago...

"I promise to love you, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish; from this day forward, until death do us part."

How can you keep holding on to that promise when you see that you're the only one fighting? You keep on asking the "what if" questions knowing that there is no certain answer. Time can only tell if there is really a happy ending. And what if there is really none???

It's been exactly one month since that night, that night when everything was all shattered. When my life made its 360 degree spin unexpectedly...Until now my heart still cannot fathom why we ended up this way... In my heart I believe that we were meant together, that we should be together...But you chose to walk away...

I want to keep believing...I still want to hold on...I am praying that one day you will come HOME to ME.

Lord, you know what my heart desires. I trust you with all my heart. I believe that behind the pain I am going through right now, is the HOPE that someday you will let me realize why this happened. You are my GOD and you know what's BEST for me, I may not realize that now, but I know for sure you will let me when the right time comes.

Friendship....And it's true meaning ....

Today starts an entire different experience for my dear bestfriend... New place, new work, new friends and a lot more new things and experiences... It is amazing to feel so proud of the people you care about with their achievements and courage to try new things and not be afraid of the setbacks it brings.

Despite of the sadness that I feel right now, I am overwhelmed with joy and happiness for I know my friend is following her dream. I, in the first place encouraged her to do this though I know she will go somewhere that we cant get to see her often. Friendship doesn't stop when friends no longer see each other. Friendship stays in the heart and no matter how far the distance is, you still stay connected. You may not be there physically or don't get to talk all the time, but when you do, it will still feel like you have never left at all. Being a true friend means letting go of the people that means so much and just be there to cheer for them and be proud of their achievements. As they say, change is the only most permanent thing in this world. You cannot hold on to something so precious at all times eventhough they mean so much to you.

Aubrey, you know how bad I am expressing how I feel but you know what, you're the one who taught me to. Well, I'm still trying actually :-) You have been one of the best person I have known, our bond no matter what happen will always be there. You are my sister after all (legal papers signed and sealed btw, hahaha) You have been there for me and my family through ups and downs, you never get tired of listening to me. And I can't thank you enough. Know that whatever happens we are just here for you.

Keep safe always. You are a very intelligent woman and you'll do just fine. If you ever get tired of the city, come HOME to us to breathe some fresh air for a bit. I will SOOOO MISSS YOU but knowing that you are happy with this change brings a smile on my face. I LOVE YOU my dear and the great 4 years of friendship that we have shared and a LIFETIME more. xoxo

You in the Past...

This last few months has been one of the hardest... I am going through some rough patches recently and my only way of trying to find myself is to try and think of the past. It's sad when a good relationship ends up being so stagnant where when it all started it was the best ever. It is really true that it is up to the both of you on how you keep the fire burning. Now Im clinging on the past to remind me how good we are together then, how wonderful it is to be with the person you chose to be with for the rest of your life. I know things has changed, I am afraid that my feelings will too if I dont do something now. I just wish he will realize he needs to give his share too :(

Just Me

Everyday is a blessing from God that we all have to be thankful for. I may be miles away from the people i love dearly, but I have my husband and my daughter by my side to give me strength and my Lord who gives me the reason to live.